Growing up Little

I don’t want to grow up. That’s never changed; a constant in my life. Physically, I am tall; mentally, I am small.

There are things in life that have forced me, in a way, to grow up quickly. These may have prevented me from actually growing up; I don’t know. Yet, what I do know is that I still want to behave as a younger version of myself. Someone who didn’t know the worries that I face today, and as such, in my own time, I will often revert. Sometimes this is more often than others, but for me, it is always a game of balance and control, as one wrong move could alert everyone to this side of me, and I don’t think I am able to handle that.

To me, this change in my mental age offers me a chance to be free. To actually be able to do the things that I want to do and an opportunity to save myself from the stress I am likely swimming in.

For me, having this escape has kept me alive.

“A lot of people who start work at a very young age never grow up because they never got that opportunity to be a child, so they hold on to that and still do a lot of childish, silly things”-Janet Jackson

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3 thoughts on “Growing up Little

  1. Yes I agree Rairai. When your childhood has not been what you wanted it to be or think that it should be, there is a tendency to want to recreate the perfect childhood in adulthood. This is only natural and completely understandable. However, I personally feel that we should live and embrace our adult lives as much as we can. Otherwise, I think we miss out twice – we miss out on our childhood and we miss out on our adulthood too. A good solution I think would be to be mindful of how much enjoyment we put into each day of our lives – that way it’s a win-win situation.:)

    • I completely agree in the recreation of childhood in adulthood; you have more resources but sometimes it feels a lot like it holds me back too. The thought of, I guess, living in the moment is a bit ironic to me, as my family have always brought me up to think about the future!! But, I find myself unable to get past events from my childhood which creates a barrier in me doing either… Hope you are well??

      • Rairai, I completely get you about recreating childhood in adulthood and sometimes it feels as if you are being held back. But without dismissing your very valid feelings in any way, I don’t think that should be a problem because if we do that, it is as if we are seeking perfection and there is no such thing as a ‘perfect life’. Being held back does not mean there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed – I think it simply means that we all have areas in which we feel we fall short and that gives us a chance to grow and develop those areas if we feel we want to.
        I too felt that I could not get past events in childhood but with a great deal of therapy – not only counsellors – but my own brand of therapy: trying to understand myself better and being kind and considerate (showing compassion), I found it became a little easier to look closely at childhood events, recognise my pain and choose not to allow it to impact my present in a negative way. That wasn’t at all easy, but I assure you it can be done. 🙂
        I am very well thank you – so kind of you to ask and I know that life is going to improve for you in leaps and bounds. Trust me on this!
        Apologies for such a long reply!:)

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