Starting again

I cannot keep to anything. I am a mess but I think, sometimes, that’s okay.

There are many things in my life that I keep from people because that would make me even weirder. That’s not abnormal at all. If someone was to be completely open to the point in which they are laid bare, are they not inviting hurt and abuse? I’ll admit, I hold a respect to those who are able to be completely honest, but, I think, in my life complete honesty is impossible.

Because, for one, who would want to be around me if they knew what it was that I really wanted in life?

My family wouldn’t, that’s for sure.

It is not even as if the things I desire are hurtful or abusive to others, but rather, they are just abnormal. My parents had a hard enough time accepting my sexuality (pan, by the way) so how can one expect anyone else to understand? I know that there are others like me out there, but I also know that even if I was to look for them, I wouldn’t fit in. Fitting in has never happened to me. At all.

But that’s how my life works, I guess.

This will be my way to express myself, Rai; as who I am.

“When we’re in that kind of childish space, we’re more genuine and feel more comfortable with our friends” – Evan Spiegel

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